2025

Bluebonnet seen on December 31st, 2024

OK.

So I’ve been here before. At the tail end of 2023, the intent was to get into a better habit of journaling. To do that I had to get into a better routine of having better experiences and I did that last year. So much so that I got swept up in living in the moment and I didn’t bother journaling those things here. I creatively set out to do things frequently but I was just bad about documenting any of that here.

I don’t quite do or get resolutions but I have however done some things (creatively) in recent years and have seen those things thru.

A couple of years ago I committed to finding a lyric in a song and sharing that in some capacity on my instagram feed. Last year I did something on my instagram that involved alternating between black and white borders. A very tame thing but its a pain in the ass when you want to just upload something to your feed.

This year, I hope to journal some kind of entry every single week. I don’t really know what direction that may go, but I think it may be influenced by music I’m listening to that week. A photo I took while out in the wild. I’m only 5 days into the new year and I’m already on my second book, so I may take some time to randomly journal and reflect on that. I’ve also been getting into the routine of painting again. Kinda abstract things that just come to mind…

Read something about Frank Auerbach the other day and it got me to thinking about layering random materials while talking to my niece this weekend. I call this one : STARE

I’ve also been leveraging my collection of typewriters that I have in my personal stable. Another thing I hope to really get into the swing of is doing more stuff on physical film and maybe even publish home recordings of things I play when I’m at home with my instruments.

All I know is that it has to start somewhere so here’s the first absurd entry of the year. Its the only rant I’ll allow myself to have freely without having some expressive intent or direction.

Iron Claw: The Von Erichs

If you happened to grow up in Texas in the 1980s like I did, there’s a good chance that we have some shared reverence for The Von Erichs. A family of wrestlers that performed primarily for World Class Championship Wrestling in and around Dallas, Texas. A film titled “Iron Claw” came out over the weekend, that chronicled the life and times of the Von Erichs family and caught a screening with my college roommate Nano on Friday. I couldn’t think of a better person to see the movie with, seeing that he’s originally from San Antonio and also shared a love for the Von Erichs. I vividly remember the topic randomly coming up when we were both in college and he was the only person I ever met that was so familiar with the “Curse of the Von Erichs”.

After seeing the movie, I’m glad that they managed to treat the family and their highly publicized tragic story with a good bit of detail and respect. If you’re a fan of wrestling and you hope to go out this weekend to see a movie that will play up the HIGH notes of their accomplishments, I believe you’re going to be highly disappointed. The film roots itself into the mind and body of Kevin Von Erich, the only living member of the group. Curiously enough, the film completely omitted one broth (Chris) for one reason or another…. I haven’t looked up why that is but suspect that putting the audience thru an additional DEATH would have been to much for anyone to stomach and it would have extended the movie to an uncomfortable length.

Prior to catching the screening of the movie, my friend Gaby told me that her parents used to babysit the Von Erichs. The photo above was the boys here in San Antonio circa 1989 at Mi Terra.

One thing I think the movie does well is acknowledge how hard this was on the mother of the Von Erichs and the wife of Kevin Von Erich. Examining parental decisions the movie is also kinda fascinating but the tragedy is too real. Six total brothers where 5 had untimely deaths, its unreal. It’s an absolute watch for anyone that really loves wrestling. I think there’s some performances in the movie that will earn some award nominations. I don’t think it will garner any wins but the performances were great.

Prologue: A family that gambles together, Stays together - Christmas 2023

Windstar - Oklahoma

The decision to drive to the Windstar World Casino could only be described as “impulsive”. I floated the idea past my mother and sister the week before but I didn’t really get a buy in from both. Nay, my mom was fully on board but my sister was playing coy. Getting my mother a Christmas Day gift is tricky. She’s equal parts frugal and picky, so I never find anything she truly wants and if I happen to find something that she appreciates she openly frets about how much was spent. That being said, she’s quite content if I drop a few hundred dollars in scratch off tickets in her stocking.

It was ten past 10:00pm when my sister sent me a text stating she would be willing to watch my dog, if I drove the Oklahoma the following day/morning. Quickly made arrangements with Air B&B to secure a townhome for the night in a matter of hours I found myself on the open road to the Windstar World Casino in Oklahoma.

The drive up to the Casino was pretty uneventful. My mom didn’t make much conversation, she fiddled about the car trying to sort out her three drinks. A bottle of water / an oversized metal coffee container that barely fit into the cup holder / and something else I can only describe as mommy sizzerp. She didn’t exactly pack a proper duffle bag or suitcase. It was one of those recyclable bags one uses to fetch groceries and to save the planet. Hers appeared to have some clothes, a tooth brush, medications, an iPad, cheater reading glasses and her Nintendo Switch. The woman is addicted to Animal Crossing, so it’s safe to assume she will spend the car ride there and back engrossed in her game.

I packed a few things of my own. The only thing I was consumed with was randomly listening to tunes played back on the “Rolando iTunes playlist” which contained tracks I like from numerous artists and a handful of new things I hadn’t heard yet.

I don’t drive as much as I used to, so I kinda relish the opportunity to be on the open road to hear music in that specific setting. The only drawback is possibly hearing tracks that remind you of times/places/people when you have nothing but time in your head to reconcile all those ill thoughts.

When I wasn’t on the road avoiding bitter tunes, I hit up a few Buc-ees to procure drinks/snacks/covid-19 variant strains. After one specific stop just outside of Waco - I noticed my mom got an assortment of Peanuts and Pretzels. She would eat small handfuls and then appear to stuff them onto her person. As if she was filling her jacket pockets with reserves of snacks. I caught all of this with a slight glance, but I couldn’t help but break the awkward silence and ask “exactly what the fuck are you doing?”

Rolled the dice on swearing directly to my parental unit, but I had two hands on a steering wheel and we were neck deep in traffic. If she opted to strike me, we could crash into wall and die a fiery death while listening to deep cuts by the Smiths. A calculated risk on my part, but the ball was directly in her court. “I’m hiding snacks on me incase I sit at slot machine I like. I don’t want to get up and leave it if I happen to get a little hungry.” she said. I was gobsmacked. Her rationale was sound. I feared asking what other preparations she made under her clothing. My mom was set to wage war on the casino floor.

It didn’t take long upon our arrival at the Casino that I would have my hands full today. I dropped her off at the lobby doors so that I could self park the vehicle. When I finally caught up to her I asked where her glasses were, she checked her pockets knowing she purposely left her three pairs of cheaters in the car. There’s zero chance that she will be able to read anything on the screen displayed the gambling machines around us.

I’ve just signed up to be a gambling sherpa.

After sorting out World Star “Player” Cards, we began to make our way round the casino floor. A good chunk of the space is appears to allow smoking. I mention this because my mom has a terrible kept secret of enjoying menthol cigarrets. I also came to the realization that Oklahoma allows medicinal marijuana. Hints of “Altas Palmas” filled the air around me. I checked my wrist watch, it wasn’t 2:00pm yet and people around me are hitting the loud pack and gambling their life savings away. I accepted the fact that I was indeed feeding into some very degenerate Christmas behaviors.

if you haven’t been to a Casino floor recently, it kinda feels like a place where Intellectual Property goes to die. I looked to the left of me and saw a Willie Nelson slot machine, I looked to the right and I saw a Fruit Ninja slot machine. Ahead of me was my mom limping round trying to find something that caught her attention. I immediately realized that she misplaced her cane. I found myself doubling back to a number of machines until I found it. In that short time, I managed to lose her on the casino floor. It’s amazing how many people look and dress like your mom in an Oklahoma casino on a random Tuesday afternoon.

I found her after a frantic 20 minute separation. She seemed annoyed by my presence and she practically shooed me away. I could tell that she was ready for a smoke and was ready to dump some serious coin into a machine. Without her knowing it, I place an Apple Air tag on her person. This is a shitty thing to do but finding her will be a much easier exercise.

I spent the next couple of hours roaming the vast casino floor. A section of the floor was non-smoking so I headed over to that part in hopes of finding black jack tables. I sat down at a 10 dollar minimum table and played a few hours. I ended the morning session up 136 dollars…. continued to roam the floor in hopes of finding something else to do. I was kinda hoping that a sports book was in the casino, but all I could find was Poker Tables and Off-Track gambling. There’s no lonelier place on earth than a nearly vacated Off-track gambling room. The walls were filled with flat panel TVs broadcasting closed-circuit races from around the globe. To the right of me was an older gentleman that would get up every 20 minutes or so and obtain a number of track slips. Judging by his forward leaning posture and tearing up of ticket Stubbs - his horses didn’t win or show.

I kept to myself and exchanged a number of messages with random people on my phone. I wish I could describe the level of comfort felt from what was the remote place on earth. The part of the building I was in was actually one of those air-filled bubbles. The kinda air-bag-thing used by driving ranges that have in-climate weather patterns. I know I’m describing a very sad place, but for those of us who don’t like this time of year because of Christmas past - it allows one to be alone and really take a beat.

Off-track gambling room: 12/19/23

That bit I just said about Christmas Past…. I think it has more to do about not realizing “what Christmas could have been”.

Eisenhower Park

At the footstep of Camp Bullis, in the outskirts of San Antonio sits Eisenhower park. Reportedly one of the nicer places to visit and hike around but it happens to be on the opposite side of town from me. The easiest way to get there is by taking the 1604 loop but the construction around those parts is kinda crazy so I avoid it at all costs. I happen to have the week off and my niece was in town so I thought it would be a good idea to kill a little time with her this evening and exhaust the dog a bit before I split town tomorrow.

I can confirm that the park is indeed very nice. We didn’t explore much outside of the paved paths because I’m not sure how my niece will do on hikes yet. She young and full of energy, but she isn’t a fan of walking. I’d like to get back out there and check out some of the non-paved paths but i’ll check it out when I’m on my own with Canelo. Hopefully the stars will align again and we can knock it out on a random weekday morning I have off so that I can avoid some of the traffic that builds up on 1604.

Ya know, if there’s one thing I like about hiking with someone it’s the random conversations that can kinda organically occur. My niece was surprisingly quiet on this little venture, I tasked her with holding Canelo tightly on a leash and took the responsibility pretty seriously. I didn’t tell her about the Tower at the park so that was a little surprise. Her only observation was that “I can see where I get my eyebrows done from here”.