The love of my life passed away last week after losing a very long and hard fought battle to cancer. It was a fight we kept private for roughly a year and then went public about it at the beginning of 2017 to drum up some financial support to extend treatments in hopes of beating cancer or extending her quality of life to live with it.
There were a number of times where I wanted to sit down and write about how I was feeling during our journey. I find it therapeutic to sit in front of the screen and work out thoughts on the page. I just happened to find it more therapeutic to spend every available second bedside as I saw the disease slowly shut down her facilities.
So.. I'm a week into the grieving processes. It's been really weird. There's a number of lose ends I need to still tie down: 1.) securing her ashes 2.) finalize ceremony arrangements with the Church. 3.) commit to seeing a grieving group/therapist.
I've also made the decision to return to work tomorrow... something I wanted to do after Rhiannon's ceremony and ideally something after I spending some time by myself outside of San Antonio - but the calendar isn't co-operating.
I wish I could truly describe how I'm feeling inside right now. I'm upset and in disbelief about her being gone about 80% of the time I'm awake. The other 20% of my time is truly peaceful... Rhiannon and I spent a lot of time communicating clearly to one another about our mortality so I know we expressed absolutely everything that we needed to one another. We couldn't ever find any peace in knowing that it wasn't enough time to express our love to each other but we knew how deep and genuine it was at the same time.
Last bit of advice, from me to you.
Love your lovers.