Selling my stock in Californication / by Rollie Agado

Let me first extend a middle finger to both Showtime and Time Warner Cable/San Antonio for not providing Showtime over the free preview weekend that was advertised on almost every fucking web page last week.

I’m not exactly sure why Time Warner didn’t provide the channel for non-subscribers, but I’m sure their logic is short sighted and incorrect.  I tried to visit the Showtime website (sho.com) but the site was inexplicably down too. 

This forced me to find a copy of the Season Five premiere (with foreign subtitles) on the internet so that I can become reacquainted with the Man Boy Degenerate Decisions of Hank Moody.

The show felt almost like a reboot of sorts… the story picks up 2.5 years after the conclusion of Season 4.  Hank is on the west cost, avoiding a relationship he just ended in NYC and has agreed to possibly work on a movie script for Rza (yes. Wutang Clan) all the while, expressing interest in Rza’s #1 shorty.

The show is shaping up to be one of the worst seasons of a beloved show ever captured on film… this upsets me immensely because I’ve been championing this show to friends for a couple of weeks leading up to the fucking premier.

The show has broke some incredible comedic ground over the last 5 years.  In season one, the Story Arch sets up nicely as Hank Moody: adjusts to realization that the mother of his child is going to marry another man.  He accidentally sleeps with the underage daughter of said man – when she seduces him in the show’s premier episode.  He writes a book about this experience and has it lifted by the same girl, who blackmails him into silence as she claims it as her own work.  Moody opts to keep his silence, so that he doesn’t go to jail and so that he doesn’t ruin his relationship with both his daughter and the love of his life.   This main storyline plays out over 4 seasons and as expected  - it doesn’t end well for anyone involved.

Along the way, the show had an amazing episode that revolved around a woman who was a squirter.  Hank has a vasectomy that may not have taken and he’s suspected to be the father of a woman’s unborn child.  Said child is delivered at the end of season 2 and it comes out black.  Season 3 had Hank working at a local university, where he charms the pants off of one student, the love of his life, the Dean’s wife and his Teacher Aid – all the while remaining on good terms with all involved.  Season 4 is a total downward spiral but the show has a number of high notes and the main story arch has a proper conclusion.   I should also note that the show has had gratuitous nudity, drinking and drug use.  There’s even an episode where one character is asked to blow cocaine into the asshole becauseher nose doesn’t work anymore.

The show however will now have a 5th season where Hank will go “black” and all the good will I’ve put into encouraging others to watch the show – will undoubtedly blow up in my fucking face.

Thanks.